Let’s be real. The thought of setting aside a quiet time to spend with the Lord can be a bit intimidating and often leaves us feeling guilty because we know we should do it, but we just don’t want to make the time. Or we don’t find the time. My hand is raised. Guilty. But without being in His presence, I’ve learned that anxiety rises quickly within me, and I lose perspective of how to behave. Not on purpose, mind you. It’s just that my mind and heart turn toward self rather than focusing on God. When that happens, I see things within me that I thought were long gone. Things like criticism, skepticism, judgement, insecurity. You get it. You’ve been where I’m talking about.

I had been absent from seeking the Lord’s presence for too many days and distress came creeping in, my perspective was turning sour, and the walls around my heart were going up. Nothing good was getting in and nothing good was getting out. It’s like the inner me was locked away and the outer me was living in the world as the world lives. My attitude and outlook were spiraling downward as I saw everything from the perspective of me and wondered why I was surrounded by selfish people, which wasn’t true – that was my skewed perspective. I knew I was in trouble, but I couldn’t find my way to safety and peace, emotionally speaking, and higher the wall went.

“David found strength in the Lord his God.” 
1 Samuel 30:6

Working it Out

Around 5 a.m. one Sunday morning, I sensed the Lord prompting me to sit with Him. I got out of bed, not really looking forward to the lashing I was stepping in to. Why did I think that? He has always been kind and gentle, tender and loving toward me. Even when He brings correction, it is through the lens of love. And quite frankly, quiet time wasn’t what I wanted. My walls were up, and I didn’t want them to come down, knowing tears would flow and healing would come. Sometimes we just want to hang out in the prison we’ve trapped ourselves in.

I found my beloved Bible, and feeling led, opened it to Colossians 3:12-17 where I read about the clothes I am to wear. Compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness, love, peace, and gratitude. I journaled about taking off the wrong clothes in the previous verses and putting on these godly clothes. The wall was not coming down; I was merely going through the motions at 5 a.m. and had no interest in humbling myself. Grumpiness felt safe.

Walls Come Down

Then, the Lord invited me to move outside to the screened in porch. I pulled a chair out from the table, sat down, and put my feet on the chair in front of me. Taking a deep breath, I closed my eyes thinking, if He speaks to me with tenderness, I’m going to break. And that’s what happened. With my eyes closed, I could see Him sitting across from me, gazing deeply into my eyes, seeing my heart, my hurt, and my brokenness. He saw my insecurity, my need, and then He spoke. “Tell me about it.” I was undone by His tenderness, and I could feel the walls melt.

I told Him about my distress and didn’t leave anything out. He’s a great listener; He didn’t interrupt my story to ask clarifying questions, and He wasn’t distracted by anything going on around us. I had His undivided attention.

After I finished telling Him all the things, He asked, “And, my child, how did that make you feel?” I answered honestly and told Him how miserable I felt and how I just wanted to be all the things in Colossians 3:5-9. He didn’t flinch. His next question pierced my heart yet delighted me at the same time. “How can you grow so that you won’t compromise your walk with me when distress comes, but will remain true to who I have created you to be?”

Refreshed in the Lord

I Samuel 30:6 tells us that when David was distressed, he found strength, encouragement, and refreshment in the Lord. Distressed is identified as extreme anxiety, sorrow or pain, whether emotional, social, spiritual or physical. It may cause a person to feel sad, afraid, depressed, anxious, or lonely (www.cancer.gov).  That’s some of what I was feeling before sitting with Him. But after I refreshed myself in the Lord through that conversation, everything lifted. He was my safe place to work through my distress and restore His peace in my heart.

Around 7 a.m., I walked to a nearby lake. The sun was just coming up and there was a light, misty fog moving over the waters. He whispered, “The Spirit of God was hovering over the waters.” I recognized this was from Genesis 1, so I sat by the water’s edge. I didn’t want to miss what He was showing me. As I watched the fog move across the water, I took in the fullness of His presence. He spoke, “My child, I hover over your life. Come to me for rest and refreshment. I am always here.”

Strengthened in the Lord

I needed those hours to refresh myself in Him. My anxiety and distress were carried away by the One who sees my heart, knows my thoughts, and understands how to melt walls and speak peace. That morning reminded me why we need our quiet time with the Lord. We all need His refreshing and His wisdom and insight. He desires to speak life into our hearts, but He can only do that if we come into His presence and give Him the chance. And the more time we spend with Him, the more time we desire to give Him. That’s a proven truth.

“When He spoke to me, I was strengthened.”
Daniel 10:19b